I stop seeking for validation

I had always been so obsessed with perfection and I would always do anything in the best way I could. People would say that my self-driven ambition would damage my social life and even my career. I had always been ignorant about what most people talked about things I was doing because I would rather prove them wrong and wait them see myself.
I was born with 8 siblings, and I am still amazed of how my parents especially my mother raised us with a lot of stuff needed in raising and educating their children. I would say that my childhood was not really special. We were like the other kids in common. We played a lot, watched our favorite cartoon movies, and some of them left school and smoked cigarette. While I was really introverted. I did not have a lot of friends in my childhood, and I made some conversations with the same friends I had instead, and probably I was the opposite of most of my brothers. They had a lot of friends, they hung out, smoked in their teens , and spent their money to uncertain things. There was a moment when I really wished to be like them, but I could not. My introvert personality suddenly called me.
Seeing this unhealthy environment really triggered me to stay focus on my dream. I finished my homework until I got my top ten rank at school, stayed at home instead of going out, and I stayed away from those bad guys, because I had a trauma of getting bullied by my schoolmates.
Going to the best university was one of my biggest dream, but it ended up the way I did not expect. I did not get my dream college and that self-rejection happened over and over. I started blaming my childhood, the way my parents raised me, and my unhealhty environment. I always looked for validation, until I realized that was exhausting when everything I did in my life had to be fit on everyone’s opinion , because when it did not, that would disappoint me.
I always looked for validation to catch everyone’s attention to prove I was good enough.
It was a very tough moment and I have to admit that I was such a narcissist, maybe it was caused by some of my childhood traumas or anything else that happened in my life.
I have to admit that was my worst personality and I do really regret after what occurred in my whole life, but I have learned a lot that sometimes people have to make mistakes till they learn and realize that it is okay when they do that.
I understand that seeking for validation will impress everyone, but be careful when those things are going out of your expectation, your disappointment will be much bigger than any compliment you’ve ever got from them.
People are not as interested in me as I had always believed.
I cannot remember what my friend was wearing when I met her a week ago. Or how her look detail and make up at one party. If I cannot remember, then why would she remember similar things about me?
I think when we are done thinking about other people, our mind reverts to what immediately concerns us. So, now I want to say that you do not really have to push yourself just to impress everyone, because they do not really care about anything you do. They might give you compliment in a second, and after that they will suddenly forget about it, like it has never happened.
Not everyone has to like you.
There are a lot of public figures, artists, politicians, etc. The fact that I want to say is: not everyone loves and enjoys everything they do in their whole career. There must be a hater, and it is something that they cannot control to make everyone love them. So I realized that I don’t have to make everyone like me, because I simply just cannot stand everyone in my life as well. So there is no need to torment yourself because someone dislikes you. It is a fact of life, and we have to accept it. When they do not like you, let them have their opinion. Just move on.
I want to say that there are some parts of our life that we cannot control. So why don’t we just focus on the things we can control? I want to say that you have to put yourself first before others. Stop expecting for validation from anyone and let yourself fulfilled. I know it is not easy to start, because we are human and we learn and learn. When there is no envy or expectation, even the wealthiest and most powerful person is just another human being.
Because only when we are expecting something from them, do we become discontented and lose our composure.